At some point, a switch flicks in the heads of Indian parents. From 'study, study, study' they go 'marry, marry, marry' - CB
I cannot agree more with this sentence. For the first 23 years of my life, mom nagged me with the importance of books, knowledge, grades and educational crap. And now that i am done with it ( according to them) its time to get married to a stranger. Arranged marriage has amazed me. How can consulting astrologers and matching horoscopes for all the 'gunas' ensure a successful marriage.
How can anyone live their life with a random guy, they aren't in love with. And I cannot digest this whole idea of having sex with a stranger, just because i took seven sacred steps with him. How bizarre! I wonder how everyone else does it? Seriously? (Not referring to the the guys. Sleeping with someone, need not be backed by reason for them:-| )
But I have always associated physical intimacy with real emotions for the person. Being 'in love' is necessary for a marriage. And arranged marriages negate the possibility of that. It works with mere companionship and commitment. The thought of spending your life with someone you barely know is so intimidating. Love, tenderness, concern, trust, friendship and sexual compatibility, most of these things that hold a marriage together- these things are not magically bestowed on you with the pronouncement of the wedding vows.
Of course i have heard enough statistics about how arranged marriages WORK! I do agree that over a period of time, all of us learn to love ( Read as :Put up) with the other person. But then, there is something so sterile about saying that, you can be 'in love' with just about anyone. It takes away the magic of love, by suggesting that it does not require that irreplaceable *someone*
I am sure that fondness or genuine love can develop over a long period of time, but even if does, it isn't natural. It arises only because of forced togetherness and the knowledge that you have no other choice in life, than to live with this 'suitable stranger'. This concept has somehow never made sense to me.
I have started giving weddings a miss these days too. The most dreaded part to attending one, is the advance booking system. Is there a dearth of tam brahm girls out there? Sheesh! I think closets should be arranged, not marriages.
PS- God, in case you secretly read my blog, you better resolve things soon, or else i might have to play run away bride, and make my life more filmy than what it already is. Lol.
hehe totally agreed.. and girls face the most problems in this case, as parents want them to get married the moment their studies get over. Its better to live alone than marrying a stranger.
ReplyDeleteMarriage should always be with the person you love, for me its always love first then arrange it to get married. :p
Your first sentence made me laugh so hard, it almost made me throw up my coffee :-).
ReplyDeleteArranged marriage - it is a scary concept. Sigh.
Gosh,same pinch for the arrange marriage concept...well my parents are pushing me to marry marry marry!!!
ReplyDeleteCheers to your PS..include me in too..:)
Im here,thanks for the concern..not been able to online for the past one month :|
:O @the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteJust yesterday I was thinking of how all my friend's parents keep talking to them about marriage but mine never have. Now they will, I guess.
I don't get the whole arranged marriage concept either. But I'm not that much of a relationship person either. So I figured, I should get married someday, so it doesn't matter to whom. But then again, maybe when the time comes, I might want to run away too :P
I'm sure God will read this. Good luck! :)
I'm a 20 yr old tam-bhram biotechnologist from Bangalore too :O
Have we met?
Trust God Almighty will fulfill your request.
ReplyDeleteWell expressed.
ReplyDeleteI am not against arranged marriages as such. But I completely agree with you about the nonsense that goes on in name of horo-scope matching (horror-scope!).
But whether arranged marriage or love marriage, things can really change after marriage.
In fact my next book deals with that too :)
Hope you find the guy of your dreams!
Thanks for all the lovely comments you have been leaving me.
Love
Preeti
Came over after reading your comment on my blog :)....I've been in your shoes and can totally relate to your post. It's important to be authentic about yourself - I did that, even though mine was an arranged marriage. However, I took time to get comfortable with my hubby (and his family) before taking the plunge. Our first year (or first couple years) were not too rosy....but it only got better and better coz I always chose to express how I felt and what I expected from the relationship and life in general. And I think whether its arranged or love marriage, you will not totally know the person in n out until you live together....I am also of the opinion that you cannot truly love a person before marriage - its only infatuation and attraction. True love and bonding comes over time.
ReplyDeleteHaha.. The best part was the P.S. part. I can so expect that from you too. :P
ReplyDeleteWhether love or arranged, you should be first good friends, and comfortable with each other before even thinking about marriage. If the start itself is with a negative thought that it won't work.... well it won't work. And as Preeti above mentioned, things really change after marriage. That is I guess destiny. At the same time, coz of the fear of the change, we should not stop living.
Love is living.
nice post...
ReplyDelete@Yash- I agree with you. I hope it happens that way :P
ReplyDelete@Raaji- hehe yea. Damn scary:-|
@Happy go lucky- Count your blessings for the coolest parents:P Hmmm may be. Its small world:P
@Vyanktesh- Thanks:) Yea..I'll do that. I just need to hold on to my faith:)
@ Preeti - Oh yes.. your books are something i look forward to. Gosh! They are magical.
ReplyDelete@ Shachi- Its nice to hear, from somebody who has traveled that road, a lil longer. Thanks:)
@ Mohit- haha i know:P i can expect that from me too. Yea..I am literally forcing myself to think positive things about marriage:-| hehe lets see..But, No matter who the guy is..you are definitely going to be a part of that wedding =D
Hi Aishwarya! Thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with your point of view. I can't believe people would rather live with strangers, than choose the one they love. My parents feel my point of view makes no absolute sense! Guess it's a generation gap!!!